Patience in not my strong suit. I am not good at “trusting that things will work out”. I have grown up believing that if I do not make things happen, things will NOT happen.
As the child of mother who left home before her children, I am incredibly self sufficient. At an early age, my sisters and I learned that we could not count on others; that we needed to take care of things our selves. And while this is not a bad life lesson, like all lessons, it has a dark lining. I have gone through my life feeling that I NEED to make things happen; at work, in my home life, in my relationships. I am hyper-responsible, hard working, and driven. This is not something I have strived for; it is something woven into my being.
I have been unemployed for the last several months, looking for jobs and contracts or funding. While many people have told me to “enjoy the time off”, that is an impossibility for me. I am shaken by this pause in my work life. I am surprised when that is not obvious to others. I cannot imagine not working. I am scared about the financial repercussions. I am terrified that I will never find another job that fits my skills and expertise. I feel lost and alone in the world without a job.
While some people have trouble “making things happen” in their lives, I feel that if I do not “make things happen”, I will not survive. For me, it has been hard to let go of control; to recognize that we need to leave space for the Universe to deliver; to leave space for others to support us or not; to understand that I cannot make things happen alone. For me, patience is about trusting that things will work out. It is also about accepting that things may not work out how I expect them to or want them to. And that that is okay.
So, I am continuing to look for work; applying for jobs; submitting proposals for contracts. BUT I am trying to balance that activity with something else. I am trying to accept that I may be unemployed for several more months. I am trying to see this time off as a gift; a time out from the hectic pace of life; a time to reflect; a time to restore my energy; and time to consider the next phase of my life. I am trying to trust that the Universe/Great Spirit/God will present me with an opportunity that is right for me. I am practicing stillness. I am practicing patience.
afternoonstorm 
“I am practicing stillness. I am practicing patience.”
Well, then it sounds as if you very much are working Kim, on yourself, which, whilst the pay is not so good, is the most rewarding of all kinds of work.
LOL….thanks Hariod. Good reminder!! It is funny how when we write something we feel or believe, we see how bizarre it really is. Where did I ever get the feeling that I COULD be totally in control. Kim
I fully see where you are Kim. When I retired it was a BIG Step for me too after working nearly all of my life.. I hope if I may point you to your Language what you are putting out to the Universe..
“I am terrified that I will never find another job that fits my skills and expertise. I feel lost and alone in the world without a job.”……
Why not change that feeling and that sentence.. Into something like..
‘I am enjoying my new job right now, learning to accept the freedom it gives me to explore being myself.. I am enjoying the best job in the world. All my needs are taken care of, and I take this time with patience and trust while the Universe shuffles open the doors I know I will step through to an even brighter future where my skills will be appreciated by many’
Sending you Love.. I know ALL IS WELL IN YOUR WORLD!>> I TRUST in the UNIVERSAL PLAN.. :-) and when you do, ALL will then begin to flow.. xxx <3
Hi Sue…Thank you for your kind advice. Love from Kim
Sending LOVE… xxxx I have read so many manifestation books.. its all in how we hold our ‘intention’… And it took a long while to alter my own inner dialogue .. :-) xxx Hugs
Hi Sue: I hear you. I think that some people can change their internal dialogue through an intellectual process; just decide to think differently. For others of us, it is a slower process. In order to change my internal dialogue in a meaningful way, I need to move through my feelings, explore the unconscious beliefs upon which they are based, then gently and consistently, and sometimes repeatedly, challenge them. It has not been my experience that I can just decide to change them. But I do agree that it is helpful to be aware of the intention we put out into the universe. When I say prayers, I ask for a way of providing for myself and my family that allows me to use the gifts I have to offer. Lots of Love…Kim
Being aware is the main thing Kim.. and I know you are.. And I also know you are in the process of Change, which when any of us are in amongst it, I know I needed my friends to point out my own thought processes especially when I was going through my breakdown.. I know your Gifts are many, and trusting in the universe takes courage.. xxxx Love and Hugs right on back.. <3
Thank you Sue….I am always amazed by how much support you offer to each of us! It is lovingly received. Kim
You are most welcome Kim.. Love and hugs.. I only tell it like it is… LOL.. and should I ever overstep the mark.. Please let me know.. I often think my guides speak through me to others just to nudge them along ;-) xxx <3
Sound perspective so well expressed, Kim. Faith and belief aren’t always so easy to bring forth when so much feels at stake. Persevere!
I’m also a child of a mother who left before her children and I can totally relate to your sense of independence. That need to be organised and secure is natural because you were responsible at a young age. I love that you are trying to remain positive in your period of unemployment and I am sure that good things for you are not too far away. Keep on believing :)
Thank you….for understanding and for you good energy!!