When my grandmother was in her eighties, I remember her saying, “When I look in the mirror, I see this old woman, and I wonder how that happened. I still feel like a young woman”. I, who was in my twenties at the time, would laugh sweetly and say, “Ah Nona, you are 76 years old!” I did not have a clue what she was saying. At that young age, I thought people would feel their age; feel on the inside the way they look on the outside. Now that I am 56, I get it big time!
I saw my old school friend, Cathy, last weekend. We have known each other since grade 7 when we were 13 years old. We were laughing together the way we have always done saying things like, “Can you believe how old we are?” and “Haven’t the years flown by quickly?” Cathy asked me how old I feel and I said, “It depends on the day; 36 some days; 16 other days; never 56!”
Aging is a hard thing to absorb. We feel it at the milestones in our lives; when our children leave home; when our children get married; when our parents start to lose their health. We feel it when our bodies start to let us down; when our eyes start to go; when our joints start to stiffen; when we injure ourselves without knowing how. Aging is a gradual process that happens silently while we are busy living our lives.
Inside, I don’t really feel the same as the 36 year old me. I have more confidence now born from experience. I have less patience for political debates and gossip. I feel more despair about the world, but strangely, more hope. I no longer feel that a political revolution is going to save us from ourselves; but I feel that a spiritual revolution is happening that will, just maybe, pull us back from the brink before we destroy this beautiful little planet.
But, there is some something within me that feels just the same as I did when I was 16, 26 and 36. I can contact the emotions of that scared 16-year-ol
d kid instantly. Inside me lives that girl who was abandoned by her mother; the teenager who felt so insecure; that girl who felt unliked and unloveable. But the 26 and 36-year-old women also reside with me; the young woman who worked for the labour movement; the woman who worked on environmental health issues for the public health sector. I still feel passionate about my work. I still believe that we can make the world a better place. I still feel excited about working for change.
Most of the time, I am unaware of my age. I feel ageless and full of life. I wake up excited about each new day. So, when I see a photo of me that portrays me as this over-weight middle-aged 56-year-old woman, I am a little shocked, and find myself thinking, “Nona, now I get it!”
afternoonstorm 
You know, Kim–you should submit this to Reader’s Digest. I bet you’d get paid pretty good for this reflective ode to youth and to aging.
LOL…Thanks Pam.
I feel younger also. I have lately been reminding myself that I’m fifty, because I don’t seem to know that! There is a maturity that comes that’s also good to remind myself of – strengths as well as losses. I wonder if not feeling our age is universal?
I bet it is…but it is a strange feeling. I thought I would feel my age when I got this age… But most of the time, I really do not. Kim
you nailed it Kim. that essential part of you never changes. but you will continue to grow and learn and answer those burning questions you have inside
Thanks Eddie…it is as if all of the people who we have been reside within us at any given moment; young and not so young; scared, lonely, confident and wise…hmmm. Kim
We ARE ageless Kim, and yet ancient, LOL Timeless beings…. Love what you said here, I am 60 next year and like you I feel that mischievous 16 yr old somedays and definitely no different than when I was 36 lol
I look in the mirror and wonder some days who looks back, as I take a closer look in my eyes and say Hey you, get a grip, as I dismiss my aching bones LOL…
But the essence of who we are never changes … Also loved when you said that ” I no longer feel that a political revolution is going to save us from ourselves; but I feel that a spiritual revolution is happening that will, just maybe, pull us back from the brink before we destroy this beautiful little planet.”
I couldn’t agree with you more Kim…. Lovely post
Sue xox
Hi Sue…I find it interesting that we can touch deep truths when we drop down very honestly into our own life experience. There are things I have told or read but it is not until I examine and express my own experience that I find myself “getting” the teaching at a visceral level. Thank your for your lovely comments….affirming my experience and perhaps the deeper truth in my own words. With love…Kim
this is very important thing that you are talking here dear,…as I do believe body is just a shell that we live in…its our soul that makes us feel the way we feel…and as long as the chronic pain doesn’t bother your mind can always stay young and fresh..nice post dear
Thanks Kavita…..
your welcome dear..and have a wonderful day ahead!
I hear you! I truly don’t know how I can be 47 years old! I was out for drinks after work with some of our new, young staff members and I realized that that I was probably starting my career about the same time they were born!
LOL….I have been there. I was out for drinks with two colleagues from my team a few yeas ago, and one of them talked about her mom’s birthday. It turned out that I am only a few years older than her mom!!