Choosing a Job with my Heart or my Head

My Home OfficeIt has been an emotional week for me.  I was offered, and accepted, a new job that will begin in the new year.  This is good news.  I will no longer have to commute 4 hours per day.  I can work from home full-time.  I will have my life back again.  BUT, instead of celebrating, I have spent the week second guessing my decision.  This new job will pay $10,000 less per year than my current job.  It is a contract position with no long-term security.  It provides no pension and few benefits.

This is a familiar dance for me.  I make a decision based on some internal parameters that are hard to measure and then my head kicks in with all of the rational reasons why my decision is a poor one.  I think of it as the on-going battle between my ego and my soul.

My ego wants to be paid well; it wants job security; it wants a title that demonstrates to the world that  I am moving up in the world; it wants to be recognized as a success and as a leader in my field of work.

My soul, on the other hand, wants to do good work in the world.  My soul wants a voice; to be able to help shape policy and strategy in the work that I do; something that is difficult when one works for a government agency.  My soul wants to act on my creative ideas; to be able to do that quickly while the idea is fresh and new; to do so without getting approval from three layers of management; to do so without compromise.  My soul wants a high quality of life; to have time with my family; to have time for my self; to have time for friends and community.  My soul does not worry about the future.  My soul trusts that things will be okay.

To my credit, I am aware of this dance of mine, and have chosen with my soul, time and time again.  I have changed jobs several times over the last 20 years and in most cases, family, quality of life, and creative expression have won over job security, income and recognition.  And, in most instances, things have worked out.  But there is this inner voice that wonders if there is something wrong with me that Motherpeace - FoolI cannot fit in; that I cannot accept the limitations inherent in many jobs.

And then the Universe provides me with a little reminder; that we are meant to live fully; that we are meant to live fearlessly; that our hearts know our lives’ path if only we are brave enough to follow them.  So, once again, I am stepping off the cliff; choosing to trust my heart to guide me; choosing to be the Sacred Fool who trusts the Universe.

About kp

I am a woman and a mother, a sister and a wife. I have called myself a socialist and a feminist, an environmentalist and an activist, a pagan and an atheist. But, at this stage in my life, none of these labels feel right. I am searching; trying to find an inner calm; trying to make peace with life's disappointments; trying to answer the big questions in my own small life.
This entry was posted in Signs, God & Universe, Spirituality, Work Life, working from home, Writing, Writing for your life and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Choosing a Job with my Heart or my Head

  1. Kim I am so glad you are choosing the path of the Sacred Fool, good for you and by the way I am right there with you!!!! Congratulations on your new adventure. Marsia

  2. Congratulations – so happy for you that you got the job! And I can relate to the tension in you about quality of life versus status etc. I’m glad your soul won out in the end :)

  3. Deliberately Delicious says:

    I love this post! one of my favourite questions, one that sets me again and again along the right path, is “What does my soul long for?” Keep listening to the soul part of you…

  4. Pingback: Do You Enjoy your Current Job or Your Last Job? |

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s