Living in Times of Chaos

It is four in the morning and I can’t sleep.  I am thinking about work but it is more than that.  For a week now, I have been feeling wired; like I am waiting for something to happen. I feel unsettled but I can’t place the source of the anxious feelings.  It feels like there is something in the air.

I have had disturbing dreams this week as well.  In one, my house is shaking, small pieces of plaster are falling from the ceiling, and I realize that a tornado is directly above my house, creating a vacuum within.  I was trying to hide in the basement with my daughter when I woke up.  In the other one, my sister shows me some small green floating lights that have been hovering around her house.  In the dream, we are both freaked out.  We know they are alien and we know they are intelligent.  Both times, I woke up with adrenaline coursing through my veins.  Both times I woke up wondering where on earth these dreams are coming from. 

I feel like I am picking up on chaotic energy in the universe.  The world feels so unsettled these days and at so many levels!  The newspaper is full of disturbing stories.  Riots, terrorist attacks, and governments attacking their own citizens on the other side of the world.  There is talk of the collapse of the European economy.  Our own federal government is introducing regressive crime legislation, slashing the budget of Environment Canada, and calling environmental groups and aboriginals “ecoterrorists”.  In the US, Republican politicians are calling young women “sluts” for recommending insurance coverage for birth control.  In the City of Toronto, 23,000 workers are poised for a strike in response to concessions being demanded by the Mayor.  There is too much happening!  All of it deserves a response, but I, like many others, feel overwhelmed by it all. 

Meanwhile, there are ever-increasing signs that we are doing irreversible harm to the climate which regulates our natural environment.  We had our first smog alert in southern Ontario yesterday, two months earlier than most years!   We had an eerily mild winter across Canada this year.  There have been news reports of the ice cap breaking apart.  The US has been ravaged by powerful tornados never experienced before.  Climate change predictions, made 20 years ago, are becoming a reality!  And yet, our government has undermined international agreements, is gutting environmental legislation, and throwing its support, and building our future economy, on the Tar Sands.  

Usually, I can see progress in the midst of chaos.  Usually, I can feel the positive trend amidst all of the static.   But right now, it feels like we are slipping backwards.  It feels like things are coming to a head; ecologically, politically, and economically.  But it feels like we are moving in the wrong direction.  It feels like things are falling apart.  And yet, each day, busy with work and child-rearing, we go about our business as if all is okay.  No wonder I can’t sleep at night!!

About kp

I am a woman and a mother, a sister and a wife. I have called myself a socialist and a feminist, an environmentalist and an activist, a pagan and an atheist. But, at this stage in my life, none of these labels feel right. I am searching; trying to find an inner calm; trying to make peace with life's disappointments; trying to answer the big questions in my own small life.
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9 Responses to Living in Times of Chaos

  1. buckwheatsrisk says:

    i think we all go about our life as if nothing is happening because it’s really scary to face reality…i know reading your post on this was really good but also terrifying. thank you for the wake up call.

  2. Geez, when you put it THIS WAY, it does sound really bad. :) Every once in a while, I’ll tune into all that and feel freaked out, like, What the heck? I’m in disbelief over the backwards motion for women and this birth control issue. BUT, there are those who say this (and I will go find the link and come back with it): We are very near to the end of an approximate 26,000 year cycle and as we move from one age to another, all that is off-balance, selfish, cruel, etc. will be exposed. It’s definitely building to a head of some sort. I guess everyone will be asked: Will you move into the Light-world, or do you stay in darkness? I’ll be back with the link.

  3. I have been in this place many times that you are speaking of, and it is not fun to be there….life can get scary and overwhelming with all the information we are bombarded with and all the stress we experience in a typical day… helps to take a few steps back and breath, centering yourself, allowing yourself to merge with your deep inner peace…..this may take a little practice, but it is well worth it and lowers the heart rate and blood pressure….my thoughts are with you, and I will send you positivity and well wishes today…..
    and thank you much for your visit and follow….happy to meet you and glad to have you…..
    peace to you

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