I am a woman between dreams.
I have had a number of dreams over my life time and I have had the good fortune of realizing a few of them. I fell in love. I raised two children. I worked for a union. I advocated for air quality and climate change as a public health staff person. I created an air quality program for a public health association.
A few of these dreams have failed to live up to my imaginings, but others have surpassed my wildest expectations.
While a few of these dreams have been born of my thoughts and experience, others have presented themselves to me as opportunities I never would have considered at a time of transition in my life.
So, right now, I am waiting. I have put energy out into the universe in
the form of job applications, project proposals, a non-profit organization, websites and networking tools. I am not sure which way things will go. I
am poised on a precipice, not knowing which way my life is going to move. I am waiting for the universe to direct me. Will I be offered a job in Toronto and move my life towards the City once more? Or will I land a few
contracts and build my non-profit organization from the small town in which I raised my children? Or will some other opporunity present itself; something I have never even considered?
I have been in this place before. It is a scarey place; an uncomfortable
place. The “woman of action” in me wants to make decisions, get organized, and create my new life. I want to fill the void with something
concrete and certain. But I know from experience that there are times
when it is important to sit in the void; to experience being instead of
doing; to allow new dreams to be conceived, gestated and born. I know
that this is a time for “passive will”; a time for quiet and introspection; a time for writing and waiting; a time for handing over the
reins to a higher power.
I am a woman between dreams.
Waiting in the void is one of the toughest things I’ve learned, though sometimes I feel I’ve done no more than graduate from void-waiting middle school. To me, being competent and vision-oriented–the woman in action (we are SO much alike!)–was almost anti-the flow, like me being in competition with the universe. :) It is probably a human problem to some degree because we like to say, “I’ll do it mySELF!”, but, when we do allow the guidance/inspiration to direct us, it is an immeasurably valuable gift to God/Goddess/Our Higher Selves/The Universe, because of the wondrous power of the joining of Love. (Jeez! If I keep that up I’m going to start writing poetry.)
So what I do when ‘waiting’ is art–painting, collaging, creating special cards for loved ones– anything that pulls me into a more flowing, peaceful state. It works every time!
You could make Talking Sticks just from pieces of nature in your neighborhood that would be so beautiful.
Thanks Pam….that is a great idea….a way to channel the nervous energy….and a way to connect with inner guidance. Kp
Always find it is darkest before dawn.
The butterfly will emerge, the dream will flourish.